A Pirate's Life
by Raindrops on Roses
Summary: [WIP] AU. Sam and Vala... space pirates. That's right. Space. Pirates.
1. Prompt 25: Strangers

Title: A Pirate's Life

Author: Shannon/Raindrops on Roses

Rating: PG   
Category: Humor, Alternate Universe

Fandom: Stargate SG-1

Author's Notes: Written for fanfic100 on LiveJournal. The first in a series of AU fics. About Sam and Vala: Space Pirates. Also, SG-1: Fugitives From the Law.

* * *

The first time she laid eyes on her, she fell in love.

She was beautiful. Sleek, slim--absolutely _magnificent_.

Sam turned to her partner. "Please?" she begged with wide blue eyes.

The black-haired woman raised an eyebrow. "Do you know the amount of security that's probably on that thing?"

"Do you know how much firepower's probably on that thing?" Sam retorted.

Vala's eyes lit up. While Sam liked ships that were fast and maneuverable, her partner (in business both legitimate and not-so-much) liked to blow things up.

"So what's your plan?"

Sam grinned. "Same as last time."

"Didn't you get your arse kicked last time?"

She shrugged. "Hey, I gave as good as I got. And we got what we wanted, didn't we?"

Vala sighed. "I suppose so. Got a tidy bundle for it, too."

"It's always about the money with you, isn't it?" Sam teased.

"I don't hear you complaining."

"You will if I don't get my hands on that ship."

"Then stop drooling so we can get this over with."

"Yes, ma'am."

----

They were on the bridge. Sam, predictably, was squealing over the technology--which was quite shiny and new--and Vala was seated in a chair. She liked the chair. It spun in circles.

"You know, I have a really bad feeling about this," Vala said. She leaned her head back and watched everything spin by upside-down.

Sam looked up sharply. "Don't _say_ that! Every time you say that, something horrible happens."

"That's not true!" Vala replied indignantly. "There was that time where... no, wait, we got shot down, didn't we? How about... no, that was the time we were ambushed by five guys with big guns..."

Sam shook her head and went back to the display panel. There was a big blinking red light coming up behind them. A ship was on their tail, and it wasn't slowing down.

She sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Told you so!" Vala cried triumphantly.

"Shut up and power up the weapons system," Sam snapped.

"Oooh, you know I love it when you talk tough," Vala purred.

"Don't try that feminine wiles crap on _me_, Vala Mal Doran," Sam replied severely.

"Why so growly all of a sudden? Afraid your new toy's going to be taken away?"

"You do realize that if my 'new toy' is taken away, we'll be either on board an enemy ship, or floating out in the vacuum of space, right?" 

Vala shut up.

The communications screen turned on with nary a flicker. Sam decided she was going to give whoever it was the ride of their lives. This was her ship, damn it. Finders keepers, after all.

"Unknown vessel, this is the _Icarus_. Please identify yourselves."

"What's our name?" Sam asked Vala.

"I don't know, but I hope it's better than _Icarus_," Vala replied.

Sam shrugged. "_Icarus_, this is the _Aphrodite_. What seems to be the problem?"

Vala smirked. "Good one."

"Well, I was going to use Artemis, but..." The look of disgust on Vala's face made Sam laugh. "Yeah, I thought that'd be your reaction."

The communications officer on the _Icarus_ looked bemused by this exchange. "Well, um, we just wanted to, uh, thank you for saving us."

The two women looked at each other. "Well, that's a first," Vala finally said.

Sam turned to the screen. "You're thanking us for stealing a ship?"

Another face appeared behind the first. "That's what Danny's saying." The gray-haired man clapped a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "So what are you lovely ladies doing going around and stealing ships?"

"You've never heard of us? I am shocked and appalled," Vala said, moving behind Sam. "I'm Vala, and this is my good friend Sam."

"Wait--the _pirates_?" Danny blurted.

Vala looked offended. "We are not pirates! We are independent traders!"

"You hijack ships and steal everything that's not bolted down!"

"That's not true! We always leave enough food and fuel for the crew to get home! Don't we, Sam?"

Sam nodded. "We do have _morals_, you know."

"You killed those men back on the planet!" Danny was outraged. The other man just seemed amused.

"They're not dead. They're just stunned."

The older man blinked. "Did you just make a Monty Python joke?"

"You watch Monty Python?" Danny asked.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Daniel! Did you think I only watched hockey?"

"That's all you ever talk about! Well, that, and _The Simpsons_."

Sam blinked. A memory niggled at the back of her mind. The two men continued to bicker.

Vala interrupted as only Vala could. "Did you know that your ship looks almost exactly like a giant space penis?"

Sam covered her face and laughed as the men turned to the screen, stunned.

_End._


	2. Prompt 26: Teammates

Title: A Pirate's Life, Part 2

Author: Shannon/Raindrops on Roses

Rating: K+   
Category: Humor, Alternate Universe

Fandom: Stargate SG-1

Author's Notes: Written for fanfic100 on LiveJournal, prompt #26: teammates. Don't worry. All will be explained in due time. Oh, and this isn't truly a plotted fic--more like a loosely-related series of one-shots, no matter what it may look like at the moment.

* * *

"First time," Jonas said, "being captured by pirates."

"We were not 'captured'," Jack retorted. "We willingly joined them."

"Oh." Jonas paused. "First time surrendering to pirates."

"We're not pirates!" one of the women called from the bridge.

Daniel sighed and rubbed his eyes. The best thing he could say about being stuck on ships most of the time was that his allergies didn't act up. Of course, being stuck with a man who took great pleasure in being a smart-ass and another one who defined the word "earnest" didn't help with headaches.

A bottle and a couple of pills were placed on the table before him. "Here," the blonde woman said quietly. She gave him an empathetic look before rejoining her partner.

"Hey! Don't we get anything to drink?" Jack complained. Daniel ignored him in favor of swallowing the pills.

Oh, blessed relief. Now, if these pirates--no, _independent traders_--had coffee (or a variant thereof), he would quite happily stay put and not follow through on the crazy escape plan Jack was bound to come up with.

"Perhaps, O'Neill, we should seek to learn about our captors, in hopes of gaining their assistance."

And there was the single voice of sanity in their little group of fugitives. Daniel shot Teal'c a grateful look. Teal'c looked as amused as he ever did. He had loosened up a bit since they had run through the Earth 'Gate for the last time.

"How many times do I have to tell you, they're not our 'captors'?" Jack asked in exasperation.

"Oh, I don't know," the black-haired woman (Daniel hadn't caught her name, but she reminded him of Jack) said cheerfully, entering the cabin with a tray of food. Jonas lit up and grabbed a roll. "We do have the superior firepower, if not the numbers, and you're on our ship--which is much faster and shinier than yours. And don't get used to this--I'm not a bloody waitress."

"Vala, are you trying to play 'Who's Got the Bigger One' with the boys again?" the other woman smirked. "You should know by now that that only scares them away."

She carried a carafe. From the carafe emanated a familiar aroma.

Daniel nearly leapt from his chair, misjudged the distance, and fell flat on his face. He rose, red-faced, and gingerly checked for injury.

"Been a while?" the woman asked.

Daniel blinked and blushed even harder.

"I mean since you've had coffee." She sounded far too amused. "What did you think I was asking?"

Daniel shrugged and gazed at the carafe that she was still holding. She didn't seem to be planning on putting it down anytime soon. It was time to bust out the big guns.

He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes.

She immediately poured him a mug of coffee.

Oh, coffee... beloved, wonderful, sanity-bestowing _coffee_...

"Now, that's not fair!" Jack protested. "Just because _you_ have the Puppy-Dog Eyes of Doom doesn't mean you get to use them whenever you want!"

Daniel was too busy gulping his far-too-hot coffee to be smug. But he was thinking it very strongly.

When everybody had his or her beverage of choice (and Jack had stopped whining), they finally got down to business.

"So..." Vala began, "where's everyone from?" She looked Teal'c up and down with something suspiciously like a leer. Daniel shuddered. Scary woman. "Bet I know where _you're_ from."

The Eyebrow came up. "Indeed," Teal'c replied. It was almost a question.

"Ah, well, I suppose you can't be all _that_ bad," Vala continued. She moved on to eyeing Jonas, who was too busy eyeing a pastry to care. Daniel dreaded the moment she moved on to him. He just _knew_ he'd blush. It was like a curse.

Fortunately, Jack chose that moment to be flippant. "Ever heard of a little place called Earth?"

"Um, I'm not from--"

Jack kicked Jonas to make him shut up. Daniel was too distracted by the Coffee-Bringer's sudden blanching to notice.

"Sam? You all right?" Vala asked in concern.

Color began to return to Sam's face. "No. Not really." She stood and crossed over the room. It wasn't very large to begin with, so everyone heard her murmur, "Five years."

"Five years?" Jonas parroted. Sam's head jerked up. She glanced at Jonas and dismissed him. Her gaze landed on Daniel.

"Five years... Dr. Jackson. Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c."

"Um, Sam? Is there something you haven't told me?" Vala asked lightly. Daniel could hear the tension beneath.

Sam laughed humorlessly. "I know these people. Well, not him." She gestured at Jonas. "But... I told you about them. A long time ago. After... after Jolinar." She drew a shuddering breath.

Daniel's mind was working overtime. How did she--Jolinar? Wasn't that the--

_"Sam?"_

"Carter?"

"Captain Carter?"

Apparently Jack and Teal'c had come to the same conclusion.

She smiled weakly. "Yeah."

The cabin fell silent. Then Jack started singing under his breath.

"It's a small world after all... it's a small world after all..."

_End._


	3. Prompt 1: Beginnings

Title: A Pirate's Life, Interlude 1

Author: Shannon/Raindrops on Roses

Rating: K   
Category: Drama, Alternate Universe

Fandom: Stargate SG-1

Author's Notes: Written for fanfic100 on LiveJournal, prompt #1: beginnings. In case you can't tell, this fic goes AU after "In the Line of Duty".

* * *

Sam didn't trust Jolinar at first. Who would trust a parasite that took up residence in one's brain? 

She didn't want to go through the 'Gate. She hated herself for not being able to resist. She hated Jolinar for making her kill that guard more.

When they emerged from the Stargate, Jolinar turned to the DHD and dialed another planet. Then another. Then another.

Sam lost count after the sixth (freezing cold) planet.

They rested on an uninhabited planet. Sam raged against the captor in her head while the sun warmed her face and the cool water trickled between her toes.

That night, the dreams came. Dreams of gray eyes and sparkling crystal caves. Dreams of sulfur and cruel laughter and--

--NO!

Sam had jolted awake and had crawled toward a bush. It wasn't until she stopped retching that she realized she had control of her body. Jolinar's presence had receded to a corner of her mind.

As Sam sat and shivered in the aftermath of the nightmare, she wondered if Jolinar had been telling the truth.

There was no running from the Goa'uld. And it wasn't like she could fight for very long. That left one thing.

_'Who are you, really?'_

_/I am Jolinar of Malkshur. I am Tok'ra./_

_'You've said that before. What does that mean?'_

_/Tok'ra literally means 'against Ra'. We are a resistance group against the Goa'uld. We do not believe in taking hosts against their will./_

_'What about me?'_ Sam asked.

She could feel Jolinar's self-loathing. _/You were... a mistake. I am willing to take another host and allow you to return home. /_

Sam considered this. She had no GDO, so the SGC was unlikely to open the gate. Even if she had, there was no way they'd allow a known enemy to return--even if she could prove she was just Sam.

_'No. That won't be possible.'_

_/I am sorry._/ And, indeed, Sam felt sorrow coming from the Tok'ra.

_'Jolinar? Why was it so important you get off Earth?'_

A struggle. It was odd, feeling two separate consciousnesses inside her head_. /An ashrak is hunting me. A Goa'uld assassin. If he finds me, he will kill us both./_

_'Well, that sounds just peachy.'_

_/I will find another--/_

_'Oh, no, you won't,'_ Sam replied grimly. _'You really think I'm going to allow you to put someone else's life in danger? Someone who won't even realize what's happening?'_

_/Very well. Then you will accept me as your symbiote?_/ By now, Sam had felt fear, anger, nervousness, and sorrow from Jolinar. But now she felt something new.

Hope.

She considered saying something snide, but blocked it.

_'Yes. I will.'_

Relief. _/Thank you./_

Sam tried to stand. When she fell over, she thought wryly, _'You know, if we're going to be sharing the same body, I think we'd better lay down some ground rules.'_

Jolinar felt amused. _/Oh? Like what/_

_'I don't know. Who controls the body when, who gets to speak, things like that. Oh, and if you have a boyfriend, I'd like to know now,'_ she said cheekily.

Silence. _'Jolinar?'_ Sam hoped Jolinar couldn't hear her mental cursing. _'What is it?'_

Gray eyes. A soft, gentle smile. Guilt, fear, desire... love.

Sam swallowed--or was it Jolinar? Before she could ask, the man's name popped into her head.

Lantash and Martouf. Symbiote and host. Beloved of Jolinar and Rosha.

Now Jolinar and Samantha.

_/I am sorry, Samantha. I wish I had not--/_

_'It's too late for that now.'_ Sam tried to be gentle. _'Do you know where they are?'_

_/I... yes. But.../_

_'But you don't want to put them in harm's way?'_

_/Yes./_

_'I don't think they'd care.'_ As the conversation continued, bits of Jolinar's memories and emotions of Lantash and Martouf mixed in. _'They love you.'_

_/Us now, Samantha./_

_'Us?'_ Sam was perplexed. _'But they haven't met me.'_

_/Perhaps not. But as we blend, we will feel many of the same things. As I love, you love, and as you love, I do. Our knowledge, memories, and emotions will intermingle. We are not Goa'uld, to take and take without giving in return, Samantha. You allow me to use your body, and in return, I strengthen it. Ours is a truly symbiotic relationship./_

_'Oh.'_ Sam didn't know what more to say. She thought of Daniel's wife Sha're, taken as a host for Amonet, Apophis's wife. She wondered what he would think of the Tok'ra.

_/Do you care for him?_/ Jolinar asked.

_'Daniel?'_ Sam replied in surprise. _'He's a brilliant man and a wonderful friend. But I don't--he's married.'_

_/I see._/ Jolinar paused. _/I have heard of Amonet. I have heard her host is most beautiful. This is Sha're?_

_'Yeah.'_ Sam hoped Daniel found his wife, and that Teal'c succeeded in his fight to free the Jaffa, and that Jack... well, she hoped he moved on and didn't blame himself. She apologized to Cassie for scaring her (drawing a wince from Jolinar), and wished Janet the best in raising the child she had come to think of like her own daughter.

Sam and Jolinar sat by the stream, listening to the water trickled over the rocks as Sam said her goodbyes to her loved ones on Earth.

She never had gotten to tell her father she was sorry. She hoped he knew that she loved him, no matter what had happened between them.

A few hours later, the clearing by the stream was empty. A standing pool of light opened, and swallowed a single lonesome figure.

_End._


End file.
